I was originally going to title this one Top Mistakes Men over 40 Make in Bed, but then I realized that All men especially the 30 somethings need this advice even more!!!

I get a lot of questions on performance from both men and women.

It’s always interesting to hear the stereotyped misconceptions about this, especially from the guys!
The first and biggest mistake is what I call performance anxiety. Most men under 40 are simply inexperienced and insecure. Hopefully as they gain experience and pay attention this will get better!
Most men over 40 are in the beginning stages of Andropause (a slower male equivalent to menopause) and will never be diagnosed as such because
a) their testosterone levels are “normal” and
b) they have never gotten a pre 40 baseline and
c) its considered “normal” for testosterone levels to fall as men age, sometimes precipitously! And finally
d) “Andropaused” has no defined exact hormone levels are and there is a huge range (hundreds of points) in “normal testosterone” levels.
If I were talking to a 30 year old man I would say, “Buck up and get a testosterone baseline NOW before you hit 40 and 50”. You have to pay for it but how can you make any decisions if you don’t know what an optimal or at least baseline level is for you.
If you wind up having a problem or simply need a boost in your drive go here and Act Now.

OK now on to the Mistakes:

Great Sex is about the 3 C’s- Closeness, Commitment and Communication:

Closeness:

If You are not close to the one you are loving both physically and mentally you are not going to do a good job. All of us occasionally experience periods where we need space and down time no matter how much in love we are. Women are generally more susceptible to emotional perturbations and this may show up in her desire. Remember No generally means No! If she is not into it show her love in other ways. Don’t be a whinny pansy ass if you don’t get what you want even if you are in a committed relationship! Take the time to understand, and offer communication and love in return. If there is still a need for down time respect that and go chop some wood or start a fire or go for a run. Do some “man thing” until you are beckoned. And when you are beckoned you will find the wait is worth it.

Next let’s talk about physical closeness! The number one mistake all men make in bed forgetting about foreplay!!! Take as much time as it needs including delaying the actual act for later. If a woman is ready she will show and tell you. If you are not getting fairly straight forward signs in most cases, you are rushing things. Worst thing you can do!!! If there was a 4th C it would be Cuddling!!! Not just as part of foreplay but especially after things have settled down. You can keep the “glow in flow” a lot longer if you remind her how much you lover her by genuine loving fun expressive cuddling. Don’t be surprised if you get asked fo Round 2, 3 or more if you do this. If extra rounds are a problem I have the answer. Stamina Galore is its other name!!!

Commitment:

This echos all of the above. Only you and your lover know how committed you are to each other over all but in the sacred act of sex you should be committed to her needs to the utmost degree. Take care of her and your needs will be met sometimes sooner sometimes later, but they will be met in a fashion that again will make the wait worth it. Also anyone can learn to be a better lover. Don’t be afraid to study and discuss this with your partner! It’s Ok to learn something new and different and be something new and different especially if things are getting boring for either of you! Remember the female sexual response is generally different and more complex and varied than the male. Don’t judge what is happening by YOUR standards. Commit to finding out what is needed that day, that hour and that moment. Be committed in your attentiveness and you will be her hero! What loving man doesn’t want that!!!

Communication:

I told you the number one mistake men make in bed is to not spend enough (or any!!!) time in foreplay. The number 1 mistake all couples make is to not be free and open in communication. Keeping secrets, sexual or otherwise is a sure fire way to lose your lover. Most sex counselors agree that a strong committed love can handle the truth and massively benefit from it. So too with sexual intimacy. Share your and her fantasies. Reassure her how good she looks, smells and tastes. And do it every day. Many couples have phrases or ways of briefly touching that are the sexual equivalent of the musical “lietmotif”. In music this is a recurring often subtle underlying musical phrase that anchors the whole piece. If you don’t have one or more with someone you love develop one. You will know its the right one when she says or does it back to you. Did I tell you… In this way you can actually tell someone how much you are thinking of them without even saying a word or in just a moment by anchoring your connection with them. You can and should do this often in a day because it does a woman’s heart and soul good to know you are always thinking of her with love!

Now if you do those simple things and do them often you will find your sex life is ignited! If you need a little more help then go here and get it NOW!
Love and Light!
Dr Dave
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