How Bad Are Cell Phones For Your Health?

They are absolutely horrible for your health but not for the reasons you might think. But before we get to that, let’s look at some background info to set this up.

There are certain controversies that ultimately develop a life of their own and are unrelated to any facts. Examples are things like artificial sweeteners, which are universally touted as evil, wicked, mean and nasty no matter what their source or chemical makeup. Facts like people who work with NutraSweet need Tyvec suits and respirators (so do people who work with giant sand piles) and NutraSweet is the most complained about food substance (guess what came before it; saccharin!) ever to grace the FDA’s books.

Stevia, which was never tested until recently, however, got cart blanche among the cyber public.

My position on sweeteners is very clear from years of emails and blogs in the past. I will simply say the following: refined sugar caused widespread slavery, tooth decay, obesity, diabetes and every time someone makes a fortune panning artificial sweeteners (wait until the next one comes out!) the sugar lobby is laughing all the way to the bank.
None of this apparently offsets the handful of people whose testimonials fuel the fortunes of writers, bloggers and others who cop to the popular opinion without so much as a thought. Yes, your crappy life decisions and bad luck could indeed be due to artificial sweeteners, cell phones and government conspiracies but in truth they might just be bad decisions coupled with bad luck.

Now cell phones have not yet reached the proportion of artificial sweeteners in that no one has made a fortune and a career badmouthing them but I am sure someone will succeed. After all, the tumor in my head must be from cell phone use, right? I mean it has to be from something that someone else caused!

But in point of fact, so far, the only studies we have on cell phone usage are mice studies and they suggest that when you expose mice to the electromagnetic frequencies emitted by cell phones it actually reverses their dementia.

Yep, that’s right; cell phones make demented mice better! Now mice aren’t people and we always need to be careful about associations but the brain is an electromagnetic organ and as MRI’s have shown magnetic resonance has at least some imaging benefits so it’s not too far a stretch to think we might want to figure out some resonant frequency therapy for Alzheimer’s and the like.

How ironic would it be if cell phones protected us from this kind of dementia? Our kids would undoubtedly live Alzheimer’s-free lives!

There is a problem, however, as I alluded to in my opening sentence. Cell phones do indeed cause cancer and dementia.

No one has a name for this phenomenon so I have decided I shall be the first and the name I chose for this disease is T.H.U.D.

That stands for Telephonic Heterodynamic Ultra Dementia. A loose definition is: the stupidity of people who share vapid, meaningless conversations with an uncaring world by talking way too loud about stupid crap on their cell phones and try to carry on multiple conversations and tasks while talking.

In addition to auto accidents, this kind of moronic usage also causes people to forget that there are other people around and to blindly walk into them on the streets of New York and other major cities as I can testify. Since when did spatial and situational awareness become an option?

I am waiting for the first recorded cell phone mugging which might go like this:

Mugger: gimme yo money.

His cell phone rings: I tole you not ta call me on this phone bixxx!

Victim: Please, sir, don’t hurt me.

Victims’ phone rings: hold on, honey, I am being mugged… what’s that? Don’t forget the ketchup. Uh, OK. What kind do we buy?

At which point mugger and victim wander off forgetting what and why they were even talking to each other.

And that, my friend, is the cancer. It is a social cancer. A cancer of yet another barrier of communication between people under the guise of connectivity.

What’s worse is I promise you the human brain was never ever meant to have 24/7/365 connectivity no matter what Verizon and AT&T say.

Not ever! It is mental illness to think so and even crazier to fall into this trap. I see people who have not learned they can turn off their TV and they do not have to answer any phone. Guess what? You can elect to answer calls later at YOUR convenience.

Failure to do so will inevitably result in T.H.U.D. and a global kind of ADD that will undoubtedly require Big Pharma to create yet another toxic drug that makes billions!

Where are the FDA and FTC when you need them!?

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